antigua!

i've been to a few new places since i was in college, so why not take a trip down memory lane? i post a ton of photos from these trips but never get to talk about what i actually saw or did... so here we go!

antigua, sept. 2015

silly background story
funny story behind this trip... it was planned for september 2015, steve and i had been working for about a year by now and decided it was time to take a real, grown-up vacation together (especially since we were both living at home).

so we decide on the caribbean because we want something somewhat-close with a beach. steve is like the poster-child for caribbean tourism - he knows so much about so many of the islands, mostly because he's been to most of them on family vacations. anyways, we go with his family travel agent who helps us pick an all-inclusive resort in punta cana. it seems nice, a good bang for your buck, and we book it. slowly but surely, i have doubts. i keep looking at tripadvisor photos and the beach seems like it has a ton of seaweed. i know, i sound like a big brat... and because of this, i let it go for a few more weeks. but more and more photos showed an overwhelming amount of seaweed washed up on the shores and in the water. the resort, the room, and the restaurants at this place still seemed amazing... and i started thinking we can just stay near the pool most of the trip. but we were paying a lot of money for this trip (especially for us, especially at this time) and we wanted it to be near-perfect.

the decision
when i was living at home, it was common for me to take the train home with steve and then go over his house to eat dinner with his parents. so it was a typical weeknight and steve and i were talking about being unsure about punta cana (we did buy insurance and could be fully refunded if we cancelled everything). the trip was like 3 weeks away and we both got our vacation days approved, so if we were to cancel - we still wanted to go on some sort of trip. finally after dinner and after chatting with his parents about it, we made the bold move to cancel. and 30 minutes later, we booked flights to antigua and a 5-night stay at Coco's Hotel.

more background...
why antigua? well... steve and i came across antigua and Coco's Hotel when we FIRST decided to search around for vacation ideas, but we decided that it was too expensive... especially for our first trip. i fell in love with it from afar and convinced myself that we'd go one day.

so when we had our mini crisis at the kozar's dinner table, we decided that spending a few extra hundred dollars was worth it because every single, stinkin' tripadvisor review was AMAZING. we were tired. we wanted to relax. we knew this place was great... so we booked it and a few short weeks later, we were in paradise. paradise with no seaweed!

onto the actual vacation, please
we fell in love within minutes of arriving at Coco's. greeted as "mr. and mrs. kozar" (lol, it's a couples-only hotel so they just assumed i guess) with a rum punch (with delicious english harbour rum... get your hands on that stuff, i promise it's worth it), local beer, and a spectacular view... even on a cloudy day!

the vacation was great. food was amazing, the staff were so friendly (even gave us a slice of our favorite cake for the trip home), and the views were just magical. everyone else was on their honeymoon so we just pretended we were doing the same thing. we spent the beginning of our trip just taking a ton of photos... basically in disbelief that the beaches were this empty, quiet, and beautiful. we loved every minute of it. the wifi was shit and we didn't bring any ipads/laptops, so we were truly off the grid. disconnecting from everything was tough, but so worth it because we got to fully explore the beaches and the rest of the island. all in all, we had our selves a pretty memorable time and wouldn't have changed a thing.

our hotel is in the background of this photo... each couple had a hut to stay in, all with equally-great views of the ocean.

couldn't resist from befriending some kitty-friends. they frequently came out during meal time, begging for food and looking too stinkin' cute.

so beautiful! private beach all for us

the hotel is in between two beaches, which was awesome because you had access to a significant portion of the island's coast line. we were the only people on the whole stretch of this beach, so incredible. unfortunately, it started storming after a few hours so we had to run and take cover.

enjoying our drinks full of english harbour rum... made by our dude, akil!

i'm dating a professional beach bum

this was the other beach (more popular even though it looks empty in this photo). in general, the beaches were pretty empty because we went in the middle of hurricane season... but this made the trip even more enjoyable and peaceful.

our favorite chocolate cake!

we typically stayed in the water well after the sun went down (not many others did this, no idea why - best view of the day) and since the sun sets earlier this time of year, we had plenty of time before dinner was served.

one day we stumbled into the nearby town village and found this art studio. couldn't help myself from snapping a few photos (mainly to show mom when i got back home).

on our last day, it rained in the morning and remained cloudy afterwards. we spent the morning lounging in the hammock on the porch and then we decided to explore the island for the remainder of the day.

we took a local bus (basically commuter van shuttle) to the main city, st. john's, and the total ride cost under $5 between the both of us! it was pretty simple and we got there in no time. there wasn't much going on in st. john and after an hour or so, we decided to take the local bus to the other side of the island. we quickly realized this wasn't the best idea because the bus doesn't have a set route or schedule, so we ended up getting dropped off at the end of the supposed "route". it was a pretty desolate area but we thankfully found one woman who set us up with a taxi (thank god - because steve was about to chop my head off as he wasn't too keen on taking the local bus in the first place). it ended up being one of the highlights of our trip because our driver, letric, decided to not only return us safely to our hotel, but to give us our own private tour of the island! i remember him playing some great tropical caribbean music and telling some great stories, especially the one about how he watched a volcano erupt on the nearby island of montserrat from his home in antigua in the 90s. he even snapped a few great shots that we may have to put in a frame one of these days!

giving this another shot?

so i'm giving this blogging thing another shot, out of fear that i will lose my memory and turn into my grandmother (and possibly my own mother, tbd on that still though - only time will tell how far the apple falls from the tree)

here we go, where do i start?

the last posts on here were from college when i got foot surgery and was miserable. my memory is not shit yet because i do remember that time pretty well - i was so annoyed being stuck in bed during my winter break that i took it out on everyone, especially steve. we got into some stupid fight the night of his 21st birthday and i was bitter he'd be celebrating/having fun (without me). pity me, selfish me!! thankfully that time has passed, steve still likes me even if i'm a little selfish sometimes, and i'm back on my own two feet (literally). that was like four and half years ago! i was a baby. but i still feel like a child sometimes, even though i now have a real job and people are supposed to take me seriously (are they though?).

grad school - what, why?

i like my job, it's been 3 years - which is crazy. also in that time, i made the somewhat rash decision to go to grad school part time while working full-time and be miserable for two and a half years. sometimes i think i like making myself miserable... really though. without fail, i will always find something to worry/stress about if life is becoming too easy for me to handle - hate it, but kinda have to accept it by now.

and speaking of making myself miserable, as if deciding to torture myself with more school after i just finished four years of engineering undergraduate classes and began working at an engineering company wasn't enough... i somehow turned my "zero-credit thesis paper requirement" into a 20-page research paper that was submitted for publication and got accepted into the largest transportation research journal. this meant spending another 9 months editing/revising this paper, on top of my day job and the other silly grad classes i was enrolled in. this ALSO meant i had to present my research at this conference. when a professor asks you to submit your paper to a journal/conference/etc and it seems like "why not?" just please give it some thought before saying yes, unlike me. it. truly. never. ends. (side note - i then re-presented this research at another related conference for my job... lesson here is that rachel has a problem saying no and she loves being stressed, apparently).

grad school wasn't all bad - while suffering through some tough classes and research papers (that also taught me nothing helpful for my day job), i met a few great people who made suffering together sometimes enjoyable. but happy to say, now when i get together with these people - it's not at school and drinks are always involved. school is over, forever.

moving out, yay!?

other life events include moving out of mom and dad's house, bye bye park ridge and hi hi hoboken. this girl can't get out of jersey, apparently. moving out seemed like a no-brainer after living at home for 1.5 years and doing the hour-long commute to and from work every day. looking back on it now though, that was the good life... when i could blame NJ Transit's train schedule for why i couldn't stay late or come in super early for field work. now, i have no excuse really and sometimes i work too much... but that's adulting, i guess? 

moving out also meant that i had to learn how to cook... which i still have not mastered at all. no more getting diner food/pizza/chipotle/you-name-the-takeout-food with the parents after they picked me up from the train for dinner. this has probably been the hardest adjustment and you know it's bad when co-workers start to refer you to cooking recipe blogs/give you cookbooks they had "laying around the house" and christmas gifts revolve around cooking recipes. even grandma gave me her old crockpot (which has still not been used, i know i'm dumb - i've heard great things about them though). i blame it on the fact that my dad never, ever cooked and my mom only did it when she "had" to. i grew up eating (no joke, seriously) pizza, burger king, wendy's, chinese take-out, taco bell... the remaining nights would include "slop" (pasta with sauce and hamburger meat) or some other simple pasta dish. you get the picture. my mom justified this by designating every night an "apple" or "carrot" night, which meant that after dinner we had to have five carrots or slices of an apple... to be healthy? i honestly had and still don't have any problems with this, both of my parents worked full-time and didn't want to waste time in the kitchen. but because this was what i saw growing up, i kind of have a negative attitude towards cooking and would much rather resort to buying prepared foods or going out to eat (but i'm also cheap, so this is where the dilemma kicks in).

presenting my research (pictured here with my professor and Jen) at the transportation research conference this past January. you can't see it here, but during this photo i am screaaaaming "i can't wait to EAT!!!" i didn't eat anything this entire day before my presentation because of my nerves lol.... oops

my first instagram inside the new apartment... couldn't get over the view, still kinda can't sometimes...

one meal that steve and i made that was surprisingly pretty enough to take a photo of. i'm still struggling though, don't be fooled by this photo (we used too much ginger during this time, so it looks better than it tasted)

here's to hoping i'll post more frequently? bye!

We're Back!!

We are all back together in Delawareeeeeeeee!  So excited to be back....I got so excited that I split open my cut from surgery on my foot again wooo!  Jk, not good, at all.... but hopefully after super-gluing it together, it'll be all good again lollllll.  Crutching to class is quite an experience, I definitely took walking quickly for granted.  But anyways, so happy to be back with my best friends... it was a long 7 weeks!!!

The Pressure of Job-Searching

So i'm watching "Totally Biased" with my dad right now... and he is wearing these silly pajama pants with guitars all over them.  OH and Kim & Kourtney will be on Jimmy Kimmel tonight.... you obviously know who's gonna tune into that.... me of course.  I wish "Parenthood" wasn't over...Tuesday nights aren't the same anymore....until next season at least.

Anyways... i've thought long and hard about this, and i've realized... i definitely have a love/hate relationship with the job-search process.  I've always made myself all stressed out, but especially now being in college and trying to find internships... man oh man is there alot of pressure.  Okay, maybe it's just the pressure i put on myself, but whatever.  I'm fortunate to have found one already and got to intern over the past summer and winter break... but the process that led me to it was no walk in the park.  I began my internship search in November of last year... and I didn't land my internship until Memorial Day Weekend.  Keep in mind, I probably made about atleast 50 phone calls to atleast 30 companies, applied to atleast 20 places, and went on 3 interviews.  So much effort, to possibly get ONE job.  The crazy things we do to get employed now, huh?  My parents thought i was crazy to try to intern so early, but i don't think they realize, it's practically normal for students to intern before they graduate... and at multiple places!  I think that's why i put so much pressure on myself... but of everyone else i see around me.  I naturally never want to fall behind, so i push myself (to the point i go crazy)... oops.  And even though i'm still on crutches, i decided to hand-deliver one of my resumes to one of the companies i was in touch with.... and even though i almost fell on my face on the steps when opening the door... i realize (with the help of my boyfriend and parents) that the job-process is about never giving up, and doing anything you can to stand out.  So what better way of standing out then hand-delivering a resume on crutches?!  I tried to look professional while on crutches and a wrapped-up foot... i did my best.

And at the end of the day, even if i still have no new internship... i still got my kitty, who i have to cuddle with for a few more days before i head back to Delaware!!  (Sorry i'm obsessed with her, and sorry if you're my snapchat friend because i love sending photos of her to everyone on my friends list hehehe)

#longdistanceprobz

steve having the pleasure of skyping me and lilly on saturday night

So long-distance is tough, there's really no way around it.  And call me crazy, but i normally don't skype often, or talk on the phone.  I find that the more i do that, especially when i'm away at school, it makes it worse... i end up missing him more.  I really don't think that there is any textbook-lovey dovey solution for dealing with long-distance... BUT i do know that there are alot of rewards to going through it too.  I've always been independent, but i'm definitely even more so after almost 3 years of being away at Delaware.  You learn that you can get through most things alone, and even if you plan to be together forever... it's always good to see what exactly you can do on your own, because plans change and you never want to rely on someone else.  AND when you do see each other, after a month or 2... it is so much better than when you see each other every weekend.  

I'm not gonna go all sappy in this post... but i do have to say, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and i've loved him for 5 years (but really since 6th grade... do the math) hahaha!  Hopefully this long distance thing ends for good once we graduate, but if not, hey- atleast we know how to deal with it by now!

My Big, Insane Family

 This is my lovely fam.  I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, 3 aunts, 2 uncles, and 6 cousins.  It may not be the biggest family you've ever seen, but when we're all together, i'm confident in saying we probably have better [and more awkward] family discussions than the average family would.  Going out to dinner is always an event, and funny stories are always brought up, and it always ends up my mom throwing ice at someone or putting it down someone's shirt or AT THE LEAST spilling something.... i feel so sorry for the people around us and our waiters, oops. Yet, we still go out to eat alot... maybe we like the world knowing how embarrassing we are? Beats me.  Anyways, i'm fortunate to have a few siblings... and as we've all grown up, we've definitely grown closer.  Sure, we'll always bust on Danny the most... but that's just a routine now haha- sorry Dan! 

I'm also fortunate to have both sets of grandparents live down the street from my house and in the town over.    My 3 cousins actually live in our town too- so we treated each other as friends, rather than family... which was awesome going to the same high school.  I think because of my childhood experience, I can only hope that my kids are as close to their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins because we got to see them SO MUCH and still do... when i didn't realize alot of people can't say the same of their family.  My other 3 cousins live down in Georgia... BUT the lucky thing is, even though they are the furthest away, my Uncle is a pilot and they get to travel anywhere they want, practically anytime they want.  So it makes them coming up to visit us on holidays and summer alot easier, and i'm soooo thankful for that because it's amazing when we're all together in good old Park Ridge.

Six Girls, All Under One Roof.

This is my first blog post- not sure if i'm fit to be an avid blogger, but i figured....

1) this foot surgery has left me stuck on the couch all day

2) i'm running out of tv shows/ movies i want to watch

3) i'm tired of stalking everyone on facebook who is studying abroad

4) and i guess making this could be fun too, even when i go back to school.

And what better way to lose my blogging virginity than to dedicate my first one to my six, beautiful roommates?! I've experienced a lot of new "firsts" with these ladies... from first college party [and all of the great experiences that come along with those nights], first real cooking experience, first pair of heels, first mini skirt, first time getting my hair curled [thank you carly & leah], and many more that cannot be spoken of on here.  Going into college... i was terrified- scared i wouldn't make any friends, nobody would want to hang out with me, nobody to sit in classes with.  I really did love high school, and i will always love my memories from it.  I was fortunate to have a great circle of friends, who i can still call my best friends, and of course my lovely boyfriend.  BUT these six ladies made coming to Delaware SUCH a relief.  Honestly, when i look at these two pictures above... if you were to tell me these would my be girlfriends/roomies when i got to college... i'd laugh and say that there was no way i'd get that lucky.  That sounds corny and scripted, but i swear to god, it's true.  These girls have helped me through so much, and have definitely contributed to me being more "girly" and buying more shoes than i ever thought i would have.  I still don't wear makeup or do anything to my hair or dress nicely for class... but i've come a long way.

My move-in day was far from ideal.  My family of six packed ALL of my college stuff and OURSELVES into our SUV and got stuck in atleast 6 hours of traffic... dead stopped on the NJ Turnpike... perfect.  When i finally arrived, i was the last person on my floor to arrive [if not the last, definitely close to it] and my roommate was already all moved in.  Everybody was going to the dining hall for dinner with the entire floor right as i began moving in my things.  So i had to leave my family to do all of the unpacking/setting up in my dorm.  I was all shaken up and terrified everybody was going to think i was the "loser who arrived super late who happened to have a huge family and hippie-looking parents".  

So when i met Leah... i automatically clung to her for dear life and found myself soooo relieved.  She and her roommate, Abby, befriended right away and were so outgoing and talkative.  When Leah and i went out together that first weekend... on our walk to the pregame... we instantly found 503480548593 things we shared in common: our mom's had long, dark hair & were very tan, our dad's both played guitar in a band, we both had long-term boyfriends, and plenty of other things... AND the fact everybody mixed us up and thought we were related when we were seen around campus.  Needless to say, we became best friends instantly.  We balance each other out perfectly... i'm the stressball, worry-about-everything, overthink everything kind of girl... and she is the go-with-the-flow, everything-will-be-okay kind of girl.  We've spent countless nights staying in watching rom-coms and having deep heart-to-hearts that i will never forget and hope we continue to do until we stop living together!!  When i just need to vent and talk about how stressed i am about grades, i can always count on you to help me put it in perspective. I forget the order i met everyone else, but i know that i definitely met April last.  One morning while peeing and then brushing my teeth in the bathroom before class, i casually began talking with April... about Calculus- HA what nerds!!  Anyways, we kept talking in the hallway- she did live right across the hall from me, and we could see each other from our bed's!  So we quickly got close, and began talking LESS about calc and MORE about boyfriends/friends/gossip and all those girly-bff things.  As soon as i knew it, she was coming out with us and we were eating dinner with her family at her house... and realizing how awesome her mom was too!!  I love April's carefree attitude- she never lets school get the best of her, and never loses sight of what she wants.  AND she is an awesome cook/crafter.  She's helped me cook plenty of times and answered alot of my stupid questions.  And she can make any piece of furniture look brand new from her pong table, to dining room chairs, to wall decorations... she's got the craft thing covered too... if i were a guy, i'd wanna marry her FOR SURE because she's got her shit together with all that domestic stuff.  And i guess since Carly works at Pier 1 Imports, she's also pretty good with furniture/home decoration things too.  I met Carly on the first night, but because she was going out with my roommate and she formally introduced herself, and all i could think was "wow she seems so cool, i doubt she'll ever be my friend"... literally, not even a joke.  Especially because she and my roommate were all dressed up to go to some frat party... and I was going to the silly freshman-planned events cause i didn't know any better [but Leah & Abby went too so i wasn't alone... and we got to see Dane Cook so it wasn't all that bad!]  But to my surprise, we did become friends, and I'm so happy we did.  Carly is great to talk to, and is so driven about her career and her school work, and i love to see how interested she is in her class too, even if they are about urine-analysis and other grossy things... but she balances school-work with fun too.  I need to get some pointers on how she incorporates fun into her crazy/hectic school schedule too.  She's great to talk to, and she was always there when i needed advice on doing the long-distance boyfriend thing, because she had been in a relationship for awhile too when hers was away at college and she was in high school still.  I am so happy i have her to talk to... and to be silly with, hehe!  And then there's Laur... who has a bigger heart than anybody i've ever known, seriously.  She is always making sure we all hang out as a group, and always wants everybody to be together and stay close friends.  I really admire that because if she wasn't around, i might not have as many friends as i do [besides these girls of course].  And she loves taking tons of photos, which sounds silly, but if you think about it... if we never took pictures, and she never took all of those mobile uploads, we wouldn't have anything to look back on and laugh at when we're reminiscing about the best years of our life.  I love her attitude on everything, she gets me to go out when i may not wanna, and she always makes the MOST out of any situation.  She has to be one of the most upbeat & happiest girl i've ever met, and she almost always has a smile on her face.....sober or not ;)  Last year when I didn't live in the same building as her, she always made the effort to keep everyone included and kept in contact 24/7... she says alot because i know that i get lazy and lose touch with people when i don't live right near them.  When we decided to all live in an apartment together, i was honestly nervous i wouldn't be as close with her since we didn't live together Sophomore year... but boy oh boy was i wrong!!! Thank god!!!  Not only did i not live with Laur Sophomore year, but that meant, i also didn't live with Tina either... so i was nervous about not being as close with her too.  But of course, we were closer than ever once we began Junior year.  I don't have ONE negative thing to say about Tina, i feel like she's my girl crush because i just love hanging out with her that much.  I know i'm lame and stay in more than i should, but when i go out, i always know to stick with you because i NEVER have a bad time with you.  You're always down to go out so i always have you when i decide to be a social butterfly. I could rattle on tons of silly memories from countless nights... especially the night when you texted me "i'm at po$ce" or something... and i just said "okay cya at the dorm!"... when you're text really meant to tell me "i'm with the police"... hahaha, horrible night- but atleast it's kind of funny to look back on? i hope so, or else i'm sure you'll beat me up for this comment when i see you next.  Anyways, clearly i always have a great time with you.  You are definitely to thank for my "fun-going out" side of my personality, but i love how you never look down on me for staying in to do school work too.  I also really admire how independent you are, and what a strong personality you have.  You always stand up for yourself and your friends and everything you believe in, and i know for that reason, i'm always gonna stand on your side of any argument because nothing & nobody will ever get past you.